Tiger Tales
Essential advice from Póilín on Tribunals and terriers
Dear Póilín,
Though I am off put by your its liberal-left bias, I like to take your magazine in order to keep up with intellectual currents amongst unemployed arts graduates and the Dún Laoghaire bourgeoisie. (Of course, I find your advice column to be a ray of light, radiating good common sense and upstanding ethics.)
Your columnist Vincent Browne's supposed "indictment" of the nation's proud police force particularly upset me. I find it extraordinary that, in a country where urgent infrastructural development is being held up by underemployed fringe academics, and where the strength of the economy is jeapordised by our reluctance to allow migrants to work for the wages that the market fairly sets, your correspondent is exercised by the renegade actions of a few barely literate bobbies in a backwater outpost in Donegal.
He finds it shocking that nothing has been done on foot of the Morris report. I find it shocking that anyone could be sufficiently exercised by gardaí actions in Donegal to read it. What kind of tribunal anorak is he? Probably the kind that lies in bed at night listening to that awful rubbish on the radio, with "actors" impersonating English lawyers and "correspondents" trying to make sense of what the lawyers say.
The time has come to call a halt to this tribunal rubbish – it would never have been allowed to get so out of hand under a decent leader, like Charles Haughey. Articles like Browne's are the last gasp of a liberal intelligentsia that is slowly being asphyxiated under the weight of economic progress.
Michael McDowell knows what the law is about – catching criminals. Mindlessly pursuing lawmakers or law enforcers who have stepped over the boundaries of best practice only distracts from the business at hand: fighting terrorism and protecting money vans.
Is mise le meas,
Dónal,
Howth.
Dear Dónal,
You put me in an awkward position. While I might be sympathetic to certain of your arguments, it is not the place of this column to offer "opinions" on social-political affairs, but to simply proffer "guidance" to our readers on the management of their own affairs. Or so the editor has just informed me.
However, I can see that you face a real dilemma. I would suggest that, as a first step, you might consider tuning your radio at night to Adrian Kennedy on FM104 instead of Radio 1. (You might even like to call in to the show and "have your voice".)
Though the liberal intelligentsia might be on its last legs, the tribunals, alas, will stutter on for some years yet, under the weight of good taxpayers' money being shelved out to lawyers – who should, of course, be employed in prosecuting criminals. You might need to consider avoiding southside-Dublin dinner parties until the last of them has done.
In the meantime, thank you for your trenchant comments.
Póilín.
Dear Póilín,
I'm just writing to tell you how much I love your magazine! But, you know, I do find it a bit "heavy" every now and then! All those long articles about books, and politics, and politicians, and Gerry Adams. Though I did like that piece Mr Adams wrote about his dog – it really made me see him in a new light! Maybe you should ask each of your correspondents to write a piece about their pets. And I love your new "reader's photos" feature – just like in the Reader's Digest! I enclose a photo of our dog, Matilda – I hope to see it in Village soon!
Thanks!
Sheryl,
Dunmore East
Dear Sheryl,
How lovely to receive such kind compliments. I agree with you about our "serious" tone – I've even written to my fellow contributor, Gerry Adams, myself. I congratulated him on his piece on his dog, and suggested he write more in that vein. Nobody wants to hear any more about Northern politics, after all, but he's such a celebrity now it would be lovely to read more about his family, friends and any other pets. I even thought he might show me around his home for a special Póilín feature.
We'll have to wait and see. Keep reading!
Póilín.