Cinema: sink or swim

Declan Burke on The Sentinal, which drowns in its many plotlines, and the frantically-paced Crank

The idea that there might be a traitor at the heart of the American secret service serves as the jumping-off point for The Sentinel (12A), although its makers hardly intended the morass of cliché that serves as its more-squelchy-than-soft landing. The latest movie to shamelessly play on the fears of the American people, The Sentinel pitches Pete Garrison (Michael Douglas) as a squeaky-clean agent and veteran of the Reagan assassination attempt, during which he stopped a bullet. But when Garrison reports that a mole in the secret service is plotting to kill the current incumbent, everyone is considered a suspect – and the rather compromising skeleton in Garrison's closet happens to involve his intimate relationship with the first lady (Kim Basinger).

Based on a novel by Gerald Petievich, The Sentinel suffers the fate of many movies adapted from densely plotted narratives, which is that far too many storylines get shoehorned into an audience-friendly running time. As a result, the characters here are reduced to little more than caricatures, most of whom spend the entire movie barking orders or delivering ominous foreshadowing in sepulchral tones. It's a good cast – Martin Donovan, Eva Longoria and Keifer Sutherland are among the better-known names – but for the most part they're given far too little to do; meanwhile, Douglas's attempts to convince as an action hero driven to desperate measures is risible. As with Harrison Ford's recent attempt to persuade us he's still a viable contender in the running-and-jumping stakes, Douglas does little more than remind us of his better days.

Indeed, there's very little new on show here, particularly if you've seen Enemy of the State, and The Sentinel's dependence on the use of state-of-the-art technology by various agents to move the story along, rather than good old-fashioned character development, suggests the tale itself was written by computer – although a computer would probably short-circuit itself at the ludicrously illogical narrative jumps foisted on the audience here.

Crank (18s) is arguably more implausible than The Sentinel, but at least its makers – directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor – understand that the best thing to do with a hackneyed old plot is to parody the clichés with verve and panache. Assassin Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) wakes up one morning to discover he's been lethally poisoned; with only five hours in which to find the antidote, Chev has to keep his adrenaline levels as high as possible or else he'll lapse into a coma. The antics come thick and fast in Chev's increasingly frantic attempt to keep his rush buzzing, among them sticking his hand in a waffle iron and having sex on the street.

It's another take on the old DOA standard, but Crank has a quality of self-awareness, and an ability to laugh at itself, that's sadly lacking in the po-faced The Sentinel. Once watched, you won't want to see either movie again, but at least you'll recommend Crank to your friends. You wouldn't recommend The Sentinel to your worst enemy.

The Sentinel *

Crank ***