Fine Gael – the videogame

Illan Rua Wall has been playing with Fine Gael's latest addition to its already bulging sack of horrendous digital animation, 'Go Ireland - the Videogame', and has found it as, if not more, illuminating than their five point plan.

I have been playing Fine Gael’s online videogame, ‘Go Ireland – The Videogame’, and I think that we can glean an awful lot about the party from it. Let me, really briefly, explain some of the crucial points and insightful analysis that I think they mean to convey through this new political medium:

1. We (the putative Fine Gael controllers) must do all we can to avoid Enda Kenny bumping into, or facing any other politicians head-on. Of course, it is always possible to throw ninja stars into their back or at a distance, but if they meet, Enda will die. Admittedly he does have three lives, and even when dead appears to have the ability to resurect himself, but nonetheless, the electoral strategy is clear.
2. Enda appears terribly vulnerable in this game, but not in a bad way. He demonstrates this winning vulnerability by his tendency to fall off walls and die, perhaps symbolically telling us that he too feels the pain of the common people because of the economic collapse. [Or that he hopes there isn’t another one as he would definitely not be able for it.]
3. When Enda does slay his opponents, he rewards us with words of wisdom, standing above their corpse (or at least the ash left after he has killed them with his magic ninja stars), he quips ‘On yer bike’ to Gormley or ‘Tax that’ to Joan Burton. The depth of the political analysis will convince everyone of Enda’s killer wit and suitability for larger tasks at hand, going forward….
4. If the glorious leader jumps over enough walls, he will be Taoiseach. The clarity of this election strategy seems to be bearing fruit if the polls are anything to go by. We may surmise as to the symbolism of ‘Walls’ and ‘Traffic Cones’ – Fine Gael are clearly suggesting the almost metaphysical malaise that exists in Irish society.
5. From the Jobs logo (in the 5 point plan), we glean an understanding of their economic policy behind all the ‘words’: employment can be created through the building of old style windmills and a new industrial revolution. As he says over Gerry Adams’s dead body: ‘It’s the Economy Stupid’.
6. The Fine Gael aesthetic lies somewhere between the Wurzels's ‘Combine Harvester’ and a little ditty from Bosco. The music is… em… well….
7. Eamon Gilmore runs very fast.
8. And finally, Enda Kenny only goes right… just try asking him to go left.

I think you will agree that there is much food for thought here.