The crowning of the king of the Paddies

Just AS NO ONE ELECTED HIM, no one bothered to come along to watch his fancy inauguration. A German tourist who was passing by asked one of the few who stood outside Dublin Castle what was happening.
He had explained to him the case of Nicky Kelly, how he was framed and why he should be released. As an afterthought the German was told that the President was being inaugurated.

The huge cars began to arrive. The ambassadors, the politicians, the judges. By half past eleven there was a line of cops beside the Nicky Kelly protesters, a woman who wanted to discuss the Gospels and Jesus Christ, and two men who wished to proclaim that the inauguration of President Hillery without an election was unnconstitutional. About twenty other people waited to have a look at the President on his way in.

A police motorbike came around the corner, followed by lines of other police on bikes. Then the lines of army on bikes wore ordinary army trousers, others had Eddie Macken-type trousers on them.

Some of the Nicky Kelly protesters were standing around the steps of City Hall where they had their leaflets and placards. Two of them stood at either end of a banner which said that Nicky Kelly is innocent. Four others held placards. They wanted to send in a letter to say that it would be a fitting day for Hillery to release Nicky Kelly. "You're the ones, you're the guilty ones, it's you we have to fight," was being broadcast from their tapeerecorder as the President's car appproached them.

One elderly man went bonkers with delight as the car came near. He was like a Haughey supporter outside the

Dail on one of those fateful nights when Haughey put all his enemies to flight. He caught Mrs Hillery's eyes and she waved to him. He responded with whoops of joy and delight.

EVERYBODY WAS SITTING comfortably inside. The chairs were painted gold and at least forty of them were empty. Some TDs, it was explained, didn't come because their wives weren't invited. The Russian am bassador, quite righ tly, brought his wife along, but she was sent home. P.J.Mara, former Senator who whispers into the ear of one CJ Haughey, had his wife with him as did Paul Kavanagh, who raises money for Fianna Fail. It was explained that Charlie, being the sort of man he is, handed out tickets in twos, thus enabling his cronies to bring their wives.

Just as the whole thing was about to get underway one old judge got an awful fit of coughing.

Then the drums rolled and the business of making Paddy Hillery go back to the Park started in earnest. There was much standing and sitting, Irish and English, Catholic, Protestant and Dissenter, toing and froing and praying for the President.

The fanfare sounded like the intro for a third rate movie about Cleopatra.

One of the readings was from St Paul and was about admonishing the idlers.

Chief Justice O'Higgins stumbled through the Irish and seems to be in need of a course in Buntus Cainte.

Those at home 'were listening to the voice of Brian Farrell: "And the President will now place his signature - and this is the moment when the Army No. I band will trumpet forth the news - a new Presidential term has begun," said he.

Then up stood Garret who went on a bout congratulations, dignity, personal qualities, continue to grace high office. Then Paddy himself, the man who has not been elected to anyything since 1969, talked about how he was deeply indebted, enduring memories, warm concern for others, voluntary workers, we live in days of anxiety, unrest and uncertainty. We could go on, but suffice it to say that his speech was as dull an uninspiring as his last seven years as President.

"With simple words the President concludes a simple ceremony, as befits a Republic like ours, it's appropriate that a man chosen by the people for the people should do so," said Brian Farrell. Patrick Hillery has not been chosen by the people. Someone should have told Brian Farrell that before the ceremony.

All the invited guests went out to eat. All the plates had a little attachhment clipped to them which the guests could rest their drinks in. (Holyhead ferry please copy). White or red wine, apple juice, orange juice, cold salmon, some sort of beef mixture, baked potato, pavlova (B+I from North Wall please copy). Archbishop Ryan, Rita Childers talked with John Wilson. Jack Lynch talked to Brian Lenihan. Garret FitzGerald talked to Maeve Hillery.

(Maeve Hillery had an awful look on her face of someone who would love to get out of the country). All the people who run this country and their associates talked to each other. A plate in one hand and a drink in the other. They found it hard to know what to do with the knives and forks.

The only event of any significance which happened outside Dublin Castle during all this was when a man complained in a loud voice about Hillery and said he was "a waster". But a woman came to his defence and said he was a good church-goer.

Inside, the motorbikes came back to get the President as did an ambulance to assist two of the caterers who had been scalded. The President took all day to come down the stairs. Finally, when he did, there was much ceremony before he got into his car and went off for another seven long years.

Then the judges, the am bassadors and the ministers came to the door and waited for their cars. Other people would have walked over to the cars which were just yards a way, bu t not this shower. They all stood there until their cars arrived.

The Nicky Kelly people didn't know which way the President was going to turn when he came out. They decided, however, on Dame Street.

The Ambassadors When his car came out they tried to stand in front of his car bu t the guards held them back. When Garret FitzzGerald's car came out he saw the protesters and directed his driver to move in the other direction towards Christ Church. •