Rigor mortis broadcasting

An IQ crisis has migrated from RTÉ to the nation but nobody will notice. By Maggie Kenneally

The team behind RTÉ's Questions and Answers are nothing if not diligent. When it seemed impossible to discover yet another serious bore, they have performed. They have found Leo Vadakar, the new Fine Gael recruit to the Dáil.  And to be fair, this is not just another tiresome bore, but an arrogant one as well. Full of himself, with a style in nastiness that reminds one of Michael McDowell, but without McDowell's intelligence (such as it was) and even without McDowell's wit (such as it was).

Vadakar was a guest on Questions and Answers on Monday 1 October, along with a largely familiar line up of dullards: David Norris, Sam Smyth and Patricia Casey with an anonymous Fianna Fáil junior minister, Batt O' Keeffe thrown in, lest the programme got too exciting. So awful was the programme that the best performer by far was an elderly Catholic priest in the audience, who was articulate, focused and, can-you-believe-it for Questions and Answers, knew what he was talking about.

One of the questions had to do with Bertie Ahern's finances. Not a single one of the panel knew anything about the issue. Another question was whether Eddie O'Sullivan should be retained as coach of the Irish rugby team, again dumb loquaciousness (whatever happened dumb silence?).
Questions and Answers is long past terminal decline. We are beyond rigor mortis. We are talking here of decomposition. Aren't there laws against retaining dead bodies for years, other than in fridges?

There was a feature in the Irish Independent on Saturday, 29 September on the burning question of our times: whether Pat Kenny is a better broadcaster than Ryan Tubridy. The verdict came down, narrowly, in favour of Pat Kenny, which is grossly unfair. Pat Kenny is maybe the worst ever chat-show host. Excruciating awkward, embarrassingly frenzied to situate himself among the celebrities of this world, stiff, jerky and well, (sorry to repeat the word) embarrassing.

As a television performer Ryan Tubridy is not embarrassing, just irritating, air-headed, twittish and giddy. How anybody can remain watching either the Late Late Show or Tubridy Tonight is beyond comprehension but then maybe there is nobody who does watch either programme from start to finish and the market research techniques is unable to discern this.

As a radio performer however Pat Kenny is superb or can be superb. The national relief to be spared Tom McGurk, Pat Kenny's stand-in (what a shrewd manoeuvre on Pat's part to have finessed that!), is not just a commentary on Tom McGurk. Pat Kenny is fluent, knowledgeable, clever and professional. He used to talk far too much, now he talks just too much. He used to be relentless in showing off how informed he was, now he is less relentless.

But Ryan Tubridy.

I used to think the only person on the national airwaves to suffer from attention deficit disorder was Eamon Dunphy (and I apologise for the many cleverer, decent people who suffer from ADD for mentioning Eamon Dunphy in their connection). But there is another.

This man just can't shut up. Twitter, twitter, twitter, blather, blather, blather. I mentioned here before how he unable to leave alone the simple acknowledgement: “thank you”, no for him it is “thank you kindly”. What does this mean? What is going on inside this windbag's mind that prompts him to say “thank you kindly”?

Ryan Tubridy used to be an intelligent, measured broadcaster, when he did reports for the drivetime and other programmes but he was metamorphosed into a blithering idiot when moved to the breakfast show on 2FM and has never recovered. How there could be the slightest doubt about which of Pat Kenny or Ryan Tubridy is the better broadcaster is beyond me and my mother.

I heard Brendan O'Brien on a Saturday morning  in early September on Newstalk. He did an interview with Eamon Gilmore which was informed, coherent, substantial. How come RTÉ let that fellow go and why doesn't Newstalk make more use of him?

On that same morning and on several other weekend mornings I listened to Marian Finucane and wondered where the celebration of her as a broadcaster came from, other than that she has been around since RTÉ was known as “Radio Eireann” or was it “2RN”? She makes obvious so often her determined refusal at times to acquaint herself with important news stories. For instance, her interview with Bertie Ahern on the Saturday after Bertie's Tribunal ordeal had concluded (for now) showed she had made no serious effort to grapple with the issues concerning his finances. She was full of verbal flapping and generalities, never once putting a direct tough question to Bertie and, of course, Bertie relished it, which was why he was on the programme in the first place.

Her Sunday morning programmes are verging into the Questions and Answers territory, not quite decomposition but getting towards rigor mortis. Assembling a collection of motor-mouths (not quite in the Ryan Tubridy league but getting there) and inviting them to talk for an hour on subjects they know nothing about is sure-fire balderdash radio. It must be doing serious damage to billions of brain cells around the country and contributing to a national IQ decline which for obvious reasons nobody will ever notice.