Popcorn

Okay popsters!! Yes sirreeeee, Bob's your uncle and whaddya say?!!!Right?!!!!?? O-Kayyyy!!!

This is Har-Tee-Hee Radio 2 and I this is Clod Hopper bringing you the best sounds found around! and this is Abba!!

Ha, ha, popsters, fooled yah, ha haaa!!! That was, of course, Johnny Logan singing All Kinds of Everything, Ireland's entry in last year's Castlebar Oyster Festival, okayyy!!!!

It's seventeen minutes past the hour - wait now, popsters, that's not quite - in fact it's twenty minutes to the hour - that's to say, the big hand is at - wait now, popsters. . . we'll be back right after this short break.

(5 mins. of adverts.)

(Ads end with taped jingle featuring a full symphony orchestra with a 43 piece choir singing the line, "Clod Hopper, Big Bopper", This lasts 4 secs. and cost £4,327.)

Yeah, popster wopsters, you're with the topster bopsters and (voice adopts sincere tone) here's the late, (throb in voice) the great, Elvis. . . Aaron. . . Presley, the King himself.

And why not put your sweet lips a little closer to the phone and call us at 695 . . . eh . . . 659 . . . eh, 6959. . . what the hell, it's in the book. Go on, giz a ring! !!!

Meanwhile, I have a request here for You Know Who in Mayo, and it comes from Guess Who in Dublin. That's what it's all about, folks!!! Real human love!!

You betcha, funlovers!!! It's top pop non-stop with the Big Bopper, Clod Hopper!!!

In a few minute's time we'll have our Oh Gosh competition spot, in which you-the-listener write in with funny stories about the times you've said Oh Gosh. The funniest letter gets an Oh Gosh T-shirt and a two-week holiday out of range of the Har-Tee-Hee transmitter! !!!

Yeah, popsters!! The beat's neat and the heat's sweet when I'm your man and I've just began. . .

It was at this point, Your Honour, that the accused, Mr. Kerrigan, burst into the studio with the sub-machine gun... .

To Whom It Concerns. . .

Well, I'll tell you, Gay. This is a subject I've given a lot of thought to - and by the way, Gay, it's great to be back on the panel. Over the years, over the years, Gay, it has always seemed to me when I thought about this issue - and as I say, Gay, it's one that I've thought about a lot, it's always seemed to me that basically, y'know, when you get down to cases, there are two sides, fundamentally, to this question. In short, Gay, it's what I would call a dilemma, in a manner of speaking.

Now, first of all, Gay, first of all and this is just, if you like, the impression of an ordinary Joe Soap, as it were, an ordinary man in the street or person in the street, I should say, because I think it's terribly important, Gay, that people in the public eye, like you and I, should be supportive, so to speak, of the gains that women have made. in saying "man in the street" I don't want to give the impression - well Gay, you know what I mean.

Anyway, I mean, it's all very well for some people, - and I won't be afraid to name them if it comes to that, because Gay, I think there's too much pussyfooting around when it comes to laying the blame where it belongs - namely, Gay, at the door of those at fault - and, as I say, it's all very well for some people - and we all know the people I'm talking about - it's all very well for them to spout on and on about this, that and the other - but when it comes down to it - I mean, Gay, when you get to the bottom line, as the Yanks say, y'know, when all is said and done - and, Gay, it seems to me that more and more in this society, increasingly, as it were more is said than is done.

Anyway, as I say, it seems to me that what we are talking about here and I think we should be clear about this - is a question of, not to put too fine a point on it, Gay, a question of moral cowardice.

Now, I know that that might upset some people, but I have very strong feelings on this one, Gay, - as I said, it's something I've given a lot of thought to and it's about time Irish society faced up to or, one might say, came to terms with, this issue, grappled with it, in a manner of speaking.

Now, Gay, what do I mean by a question of moral cowardice? Well, I'll tell you. It seems to me - and I don't want to sound like I'm pushing anything down anybody's throat, because, God knows, Gay, and so do you, that we've had enough of that in Irish society - I mean, you've only got to look around at, well, you know the sort of thing I mean. . .

Eh, Gay, God, this is terribly embarrassing - but, what part of the show are we on, now, at the moment, so to speak? Is it the bit about nose picking, or the Irish language, or fashion - or could it be the bit about . . . Oh, I see, it's the commercial break, is it?

Well, now that you mention it, Gay, advertising is something that I've given a lot of thought to, and I feel very strongly about this one, because I think that Irish society, the plain people of Ireland, as it were. . .