The I Hate Christmas Page
It begins before summer has really ended. It won't be long now 'til Christmas. As though the day that's in it isn't enough. Then the commercial hustle starts - only so many shopping days left to Christmas. As though shopping was something desirable and in short supply. Shopping stinks. The fewer days left for it the better.
Then Santa arrives in the stores. Big deal. It's not good enough that he just appears. No, he's got to stage some elaborate headline grabbing procession - which snarls up traffic. What has Santa become? A cheap publicist - a hustler in the marketplace. How long before we have different stores hyping different Santas?
Our Santa gives bigger parcels!
Yes, but Our Santa has seventeen little elves helping him
- and they're all wearing low cut dresses!
So what!
Our elves give daddy a roll in the hay while the kids are being fixed up with jigsaws!
No wonder the kids are getting cynical. Does anyone really think that today's kids believe in all that guff about chimneys and stockings? They've got so cynical that they're conning us. They see the hustlers raking in the shekels - so, they see that playing the hustlers' game works.
"Gee Mam, gee Da, you mean that Santy squeezes himself down the chimney - and every chimney on the street - and every street in the world - just to give away presents? And he isn't standing in an election, or anything?"
And the kids figure that if they're going to get their stockings full as long as they profess a belief in that fairy tale - sure, they'll believe.
When you take away all of that hustling - what's left? The Perry Como Special? Johnny Logan in a toga?
So what!
Do you know that more working days are lost by everybody taking off Christmas Day than are lost through all of the strikes that take place in a normal year? Not a lot of people know that.
And for what? Nothing special happens. Everyone sits around. There's a big dinner - and if you're in the mood for curry or whatever - tough luck. And the TV people wheel out what they imagine to be everyone's favourite big movies - Towering Inferno, for God's sake.
And everyone goes around wearing silly grins and wishing Happy Christmas all over the place. What is everyone so happy about? Has anything changed? Have they scrapped the atomic bomb? Has the oil popped up off the West coast? Has Charlie decided on any policy? Has Johnny Logan had another hit? Has The Sunday Tribune got a News Editor?
No. Nothing changes - it just seems like everyone joins a silent conspiracy to pretend we're all having a good time. You don't think so? Just try saying you don't think there's anything special about Christmas - just watch - they'll be down on you like a ton of bricks.