Don't mention the bypass

During the last local elections, it was the most welcome subject of conversation. When the doorbell would go and you'd go out to find them hopeful among the porch greenery, the subject of Ennis bypass would be seized upon with great relief by all concerned. Except of course when it was Síle de Valera and all anyone wanted to talk to her about was her hip replacement and how well she was looking.

She tried in vain to divert attention to the fresh faced kid of a politician she was promoting but gave in with such grace to discussions of her own personal health that I decided it would be churlish to tell her that when she was walking backwards in front of Bertie in Dunne's Stores the year before, she accidentally stepped on my big toe.

You say to yourself, if I ever run into that Síle de Valera, I'm going to say "Woman, will you look at what you did to my big toe and furthermore don't be walking backwards in front of any man ever for any reason." But, you can't, can you? Not on your own doorstep.

But these days, we're not mentioning the bypass that much anymore. It isn't a friendly presence like the gas pipeline and the helpful road signs in Italian for the pipeline's Italian workers. No signs in Turkish popping up for the GAMA workers.

We were awfully conscience ridden there for a while. Mary Kelly's exploits in Shannon Airport had the joints jumping and up at the height under the statue of Daniel O'Connell, we had horrific pictures of Iraqi soldiers burned to death in the tanks and they just doing their job and invading Kuwait, and the like. And will you sign here for the petition for Mary and she just doing your thinking for you because we think you're too dumb to do any thinking for yourself.

Scott Ritter was in Kilrush for one of Mary's court cases, going on about freedom and him not knowing that that he was in a place where the gangs rule to such an extent that when one of them tells the guards and RTÉ to get back in their vans and go away now lads, they do just that.

But no, so far, nobody seems too concerned about the exploitation of the GAMA workers. Instead, there is a sort of creeping concern that as well as getting our town back, with the relief that goes with 14,000 less cars going through it on the day the bypass opens, we will have, a lot less people coming through Ennis.

In Kilkenny a month or so ago I was talking to a fellow Clare native and we zipped around those lovely link roads, we were commenting how nice it will be when the Ennis Bypass is opened. "Yea," piped up her daughter from the backseat, " Ennis is one of those towns that no one wants to go to anyway. Like Naas."

Shannon Development (established 1959 sure there's plenty to do yet ) is backing a venture of the new Promote Ennis Group which aims to boost visitor numbers to the town from Ennis and abroad. Ennis Walking tours, which will introduce us to the "legends, ghost stories, mythology and history of the town as well as revealing the town's darker side with tales of murders and hangings, poverty, famine and riots," are getting underway in time "to help attract into Ennis some of the 1.3 million Ryanair passengers that are expected to start arriving off the new Shannon routes from early May."

"Ennis Walking tours is a perfect addition to our Secrets of Ennis campaign," said Guy Flouch from Promote Ennis. I'd tell you what the other Secrets of Ennis campaign events were, if I knew. Maybe Secrets of Ennis is an affiliate of the Secrets of Cork, otherwise knows as the Cork European City of Culture?

Those taking the walking tours will "hear tales of crime and punishment in Ennis through the 17th and 18th century when the severe punishment of petty criminals seems very extreme to our modern eyes. One particular form of punishment was the ducking stool which was used to punish common scolds or nagging women in Ennis, with the accused being strapped to the stool and ducked in the icy waters of the river Fergus."

We'll have tales of the men's doings also, the organised faction fighting and the "fair murders" – homicides committed on a fair day. Sure, there's no end to our dysfunction. And the tour will finish off in a pub, a well known traditional type pub with old fittings and a snug and which will give "an introduction to the wealth of Irish music associated with the town and the unique contribution that Clare has made to the traditional Irish music scene."

Oh, I should just lighten up, I suppose. Won't the tours give the GAMA workers something to do as they wait around to see if they get their money? Take their minds off the insults and lies and condescension and neglect with a bit of diddle-eye music. A good Clare tradition. And if it doesn't work, sure can't they always try the hurling?