Big sister, we are watching
Northern Irish woman, Orlaith McAllister, is causing more than a stir, at home and amongst the viewers. Tom Galvin on the latest Big Brother entrant
"She took her clothes off and as I understand it she is the first contestant ever to shower topless – she went the whole hog and it's not only topless – she's now taken off the bottom of her bikini."
Oh dear. It was the bottom part that did it so. And for her troubles, that "theatrical pornographer", the "biggest slapper Ireland has ever produced", will have her backside reddened by the big red hand of Ulster when she gets home. Poor Orlaith.
"Orlaith is a very beautiful young lady and I personally think she has gone too far... there is no need for her to go ahead and strip. She has a very good career ahead of her, she is with a good agency in Northern Ireland who can get her plenty of work," continued former Lord Mayor of Belfast, Jim Rodgers on Matt Cooper's The Last Word last week.
"Without offending people," asked Cooper with just a hint of divilment, "also, apparently, she allowed a man to suck her naked breasts on television as well. Do you think she's perhaps making people in Britain think that all women from Northern Ireland behave like that?"
"People are absolutely horrified that this stunning girl should have gone this way," answered Rodgers, "and hopefully she'll learn from her mistakes."
The Irish big sister
For those readers who have a blanket ban on Channel 4's Big Brother in their homes, Orlaith McAllister is a late addition to the Big Brother house and has caused a stir – nay, a whirlwind – since she entered the 'Secret Garden' on Day 29, before being voted a stage further to join the gaggle of oddballs within the walls of the godless house itself. She is now one of nine remaining contestants, but currently only at 25/1 to win with Paddy Power. Given the recent outbursts from native Ulstermen such as Rodgers and the Reverend David McIlveen of the Free Presbyterian Church, who slated the behaviour of Orlaith that "appeals to the baser instinct of human nature", the flurry of press activity surrounding Orlaith has ensured that, of all the contestants this year, she has received the most interest despite being a latecomer.
Orlaith is a 26-year-old business studies graduate whose ambition it is, or was, to work in international marketing. She is a former Miss Belfast, a runner-up in the Miss Northern Ireland contest in 1999 and according to her website, is also a shopaholic and fond of boxing. (Her father is a boxing trainer, and is said to be very protective of his five daughters). Her favourite movie is Pretty Woman, her favourite TV series is Sex and the City and her favourite book is Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Her press release of sorts also goes on to state that she had a boob job, changing her from a 30A to 30E, and that on her first night in the Big Brother house she had problems with her contact lenses.
Prior to her debauched Big Brother display, she also hit the headlines for a fling with Calum Best, former Celebrity Love Island contestant and son of footballer George Best, when he was visiting Belfast for a soccer tournament. It was reported, that "once he spotted her, he would stop at nothing to get her into bed" and "by all accounts they had quite a night". Before the fleeting relationship with Calum, Orlaith dated Belfast Giants hockey player, Curt Bowen, for 11 months.
Orlaith's surgical enhancement was carried out by Advanced Cosmetic Surgery in Dublin, who, following the revelation of the A to an E, were "inundated" with enquiries up until this week. Her agency is the Allison Campbell Model Agency, who also host the Miss Northern Ireland competition, but who were unavailable to comment over the scandal that has surrounded their prize model. Proprietor of rival agency, Tracey Hall of Style Academy, is quoted as having said, however "I would be lying if I said I wasn't shocked at what Orlaith has been getting up to – it has definitely been the most outrageous behaviour in all the Big Brother shows so far but she has been told to get herself noticed and I have heard that FHM wants her to do its roadshow, so she knows exactly what she is doing."
Sucking you up and spitting you out
Big Brother sucks you up and spits you out. That was according to one of its former contestants, Josh Rafter, who appeared in the second instalment of the goldfish bowl that we euphemistically call 'Reality TV', in 2002. Rafter seemed to have had a bad time of it even before he paraded in front of the cameras.
Having been told he was on the show, Rafter flew to Spain to break the news to his family that he was gay, presumably figuring they were soon going to find out, given the propensity for the tabloids to dig up the personal information of all contestants involved.
That was on a Thursday. After a weekend of candidness with his family he was then told by Big Brother that in fact he wasn't in. Not yet. Maybe not at all. And so an agonising couple of weeks passed before those at the controls felt the mood was right to introduce another 'housemate' and Rafter was voted in ahead of two other contestants waiting in the wings.
He may not have made it on the show and his weekend of frankness could have been a regrettable one. Or maybe not. Who can tell with Big Brother.
"The producers tend only to show on TV what they want the audience to see. I was constantly shown reading books. But I only read one book in seven weeks. I don't mind that they made me look intelligent like that, but it wasn't what was really happening."
So much for Reality TV then. For the record, Josh, who came in sixth that year, went back to his old job in the property business. The winner, Brian Dowling, the Irish lad and former Ryanair steward (and also gay, thus the stalling of Josh so as not to upset the 'mix', according to him) embarked on a successful if slightly skewed career in television, hosting a children's show on SMTV; his own show called Brian's Boyfriends; and a more recent programme called The Good Soap Guide.
Critics have been consistently and evenly split since the commencement of this 'circus', 'freakshow' or 'social experiment' (it started in Holland in 1999) whose aim, whether one sees it as agreeable or not, is to goad, harass and stage-manage individuals for voyeuristic pleasure. The results have, across the board, tended to match the critic's assessments regardless of what camp they are in with a reasonable spread of thrills, spills and belly aches in between prolonged bouts of tedium.
Some countries have veered more towards the social experiment side of things, if the narrative from the Africa Big Brother in 2003 is anything to go by.
"The quarreling sounds oddly familiar. Assigned to learn one another's national anthems, the dozen Big Brother Africa contestants cannot even agree on who should sing first. After an initial blowup, Bayo, an argumentative economist from Nigeria, says he has been insulted by Kenyan psychology student Alex and slinks off to mope, complaining that 'nobody listens to me.' 'Don't behave in this way,' advises Stefan, a forensic psychologist from Namibia, 'because the entire house will suffer.'"
The British version of Big Brother tends towards the circus act with the red tops in the wings. But McAllistair's genuine beauty, the lack of any real dirt in her background and the fact that she was released late into the house amid a bunch of nutters has meant that she has stolen, and was possibly meant to steal, the limelight that the contestants crave. Apart from the shower and the breast parts, she has been presented as cool, composed and amicable. Who could forget the circus act that was Jade Goody and her cumbersome striptease, managing to humiliate even fellow contestants on Big Brother 3. Nasty Nick from Big Brother 1 who broke the rules, was evicted, needed bodyguards for a long time after the show ended and was reduced to offering his services as a villain in any medium that would have him. Michelle 'Bunny Boiler' Bass (how cruel can we be?), was destined for greater things as a singer but was last seen playing the princess in the pantomime Aladdin, at St Albans, after tabloids debased her for weeks.
The irony of it all. Orwell would have loved it. The more severe crimes in his 1984 were promiscuity between party members and of course "thoughtcrime". And even causal observers will have noticed that the former is in abundance on Big Brother while the latter has almost always been lacking. Victory, real victory, is limited to those who have mastered both equally.
At the time of completing this (around 00.30), a quick glance at the show reveals the goings on at the Big Brother House, where there seems to be a Miss World Contest of sorts. Kemal, 19, male, a belly dancer, is dressed in an excruciatingly tight tutu of some sort and is calling another male dressed as a woman a "bitch" for coming second place in this bogus competition. Some other character (think he goes by the name of 'Science') lurks in the background in a blue bikini, while amid the ranting from other sore losers, Ms McAllister struts the floor calmly wearing a plain yellow dress and flaunting the winner's crown on her head.
Of course she knows what she is doing, which is why she will surely be one of the very few success stories of Big Brother; success meaning different things to different people. It's like the George Best tale – may as well stay on familiar territory – that was knocking around for years, when, at the height of his fame he was in a room at a top Belfast hotel and ordered up room service. The attendant arrived and entered to see Best on the bed, half conked, surrounded by wads of money and a couple of girls. After being paid, the waiter on his way out turned and said "My God George, where did it all go wrong?"